Golden Cry
by LyKatherine Adhara
Summary: The blonde danced under the stars laughing, the golden waves shining, the green in her eyes almost translucent with the moon light. "Can you see it? When you dance, they dance with you." And then the blood started dripping and the image changed. Or A different scenario, and a different choice, she saved Shado and Sara. But for what cost? Fem!Oliver Queen, genderswap
1. Golden Cry

Beyond anything that people thought about her, being a child was easy, not because she was rich, no, it was because she always knew what was necessary to do, she always knew. Getting shipwrecked in Lian yu was easy enough to get used to, but the pain and the sadness and the constant weakness was the most terrifying feelings of all.

When she met Slade, all she knew was the anger, her body screamed, the cuts oozed blood everywhere, she woke up tied to a chair, she hurt herself to scape, but his face wasn't just that mask, no, in his eyes a couple of feelings, surprise and a little bit of respect, and she never realized how _easy_ it was for her to read him, he was good at hiding, he was a soldier.

Now the worst feeling after she started training, even worse than the jealousy when Slade left her for Shado (brave, fierce Shado), even if that broke her beyond repair, the worst weakness was look at her sides, the wet ground under her knees, and see Shado and Sara looking at her, neither of them crying, just… waiting, and look up and see Ivo, a gun resting easily at his side, his men ready for anything coming from them and the emptiness of losing Slade, because of her.

"Ten seconds, Sweetheart" Ivo smiled in front of her, cold _so_ cold, so broken, so crazy.

And she knew what she had to do, she couldn't think in Sara: back home, Laurel, Mom, Thea, Tommy. She couldn't think about Shado: the beginning, survive, Yao Fei, Slade… And her? What did she have? Now? She lost the man she loved, she lost her family, and maybe, in the path, she lost herself, shattered beyond any possible repair.

"Five seconds girl, I'm gonna shoot both, you already know that, come on!"

"Wait!" someone screamed, was it her? Probably, the other two wouldn't, not now, "Wait… Why shot them if I am here? I am the one who you want to kill, so why not?" Looking up she found Ivo's gaze, studying her. Time to put on a show, ladies and gentlemen, time to be a rich girl.

"Oh, _please_ , everyone in this place knows that you won't be happy just killing one of them, you want me, you want to destroy me, but to be fair, I already lost everything, why killing them would hurt me? I'm used to pain, the only thing for me that is left to lose is my life, and you know that, so why not?"

Ivo looked puzzled, but he looked to us, all of us, Shado and Sara were crying now, struggling with their binds to get to me, and he smiled, I knew I was crying, the wet feeling when the cold wind touched my face speaking higher.

"You are absolutely right, and surprisingly good at reading people, well it seems that I get my wish!" he smiled again, this time… This time like when he explained the mirakuru, crazy, mad, insane. "Oh but for these two it would have been quick, a shot in the head, fast and painless, but you, you don't deserve painless, not even quick, good death, Sweetheart."

The truth is, I didn't hear the shot, I heard screams. Sara, Shado… and the men, they were running, why? I heard the contact of flesh on flesh, cracking bones, and the blood falling from my own mouth, drops hitting the ground, cold, very cold, I felt a woman's arms coming around my falling body, holding my head, roses, roses, Sara.

"I'm so… so sorry Sara…" the blood made my words wet, funny enough, my own tears did so too. "Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me?" She cried, sobbing, smoothing my hair from my face caressing the golden locks I used to love so much, that Slade wouldn't let me cut again, that he used to braid back everyday so it wouldn't be in my face.

"It does." She answered, sobbing, holding my head for me.

"O-okay, 'm so sorry."

"Don't be, you saved us, again, like you always did, the way you always do, we are so proud Ollie." Her tears joined mine falling on my face, falling on the leafs beside my head, mixing with the increasing amount of blood.

* * *

Slade came rushing in the clearing right after the shot rang around the forest, he didn't see anything, he just knew he needed to do something, help them, save them. He was fast enough, the mirakuru working in his system, everything felt so easy, men went flying when he hit, his eyesight was even more accurate than before.  
It took 2 minutes to defeat all the men, Ivo run, the mirakuru box left behind, well, no one should be this powerful anyway.

"Shado!" I fell beside her pulling her close "You are okay, oh my God, you are okay!" she looked at my face, still crying, I let her out of the bindings, she hugged me close to her, and I forgot our surroundings, for a moment, a tiny moment I hoped that I would smell lavender, but no, that smell belonged to golden locks, a brilliant and inocent smile, love.

"Help! Please help me!" Sara cried, desperate, her tears making her voice wet.

I turned in her direction to find out she had her back to us, but her face was watching us, her face… her face was wet with more than tears… blood, whose blood?

"Sara? What.." then he spotted the grounds, the body curled between the dirt, the horrendous amount of blood, and the face, turned in our direction, two green pools, a small hurt smile in the bloodied mouth. No, no, please not her, please don't take her away!

In two seconds I fell beside her, turning her head to me, her eyes blinking slowly, almost closed.

"No no no no, hey Kid, keep your eyes open for me okay? Please don't you dare close your eyes, you remember? You remember how much I love 'hem? I love them open; can you do this for me?" She only smiled a little, but didn't answer.

"Hi"

"Hey, hi there." He could feel his own eyes fill with water, fingers tangled in the bloodied hair, marking the gold with red stains.

"I'm sorry I let you die." She spoke, more blood oozing from the shot, my free hand pressing in the wound.

"Shh, but you didn't! You saved me! Rest, don't talk, you need to keep your strength" I kissed her forehead, as I used to, the way she always loved and that used to make her melodious laugh ring. "Sara, can you take the Mirakuru?" I didn't look up, not when Shado called me, asking what was wrong.

I carried Olivia all the way to a safer place; a first aid kit was our best chance, our best shot.

"You know… I – I guess I never saw things really right" Ollie blinked slowly, her glazed eyes full of unshed tears "When I was a kid, Uncle Malcolm thought I should be taught self-defence or some other way to fight, my Dad didn't like it, so I didn't do anything. Uncle used to say I was too wild to be the Princess Daddy used to call me, no pun intended," she smiled a bit "he said I should be _his_ Warrior Princess instead, he was really good with me and Tommy back then."

"He was right, you are _my_ Warrior Princess, just hold on Ollie!" My eyes blurred again, with new tears.

"I know." She said again. "I'm proud of myself, proud that I could adapt when I needed, that I could find love then, a family in the worst place I have ever been." Her smile wavered at the end. "You know, when I was little, Thea wasn't more than a toddler back there, my Dad stopped saying he loved me, I never understood. When mom said it wasn't true, that he still loved me, that he was just busy. I knew it wasn't the truth, he still said it to Thea, played with her, read to her, and everything, I just wanted to find out why he didn't love me, and then, years after, he invited me for this damned trip, and here I am." Her voice wavered, but her words didn't, and she was still looking at the sky, her beloved stars, breath shallow. "It doesn't hurt anymore, Love."

"I know, Princess."


	2. Fallen Angels Cry

Fallen Angels Cry

The world spinning slowly in her head started to come to a halt. Pieces of outside coming one at a time to her senses, the fresh feeling of cold air in clammy skin, the goosebumps in her still arms, a lullaby being softly sang somewhere near her, and finally the smell of pine and ash, a weird combination that had become part of her life long ago.

" _Olivia!" the enraged voice bellowed in the big house, two sets of steps sounding in the wooden floors, "Olivia! Where are you! Come down here right now! I am not asking!" her father's voice sounded distorted with rage, and mumbled together in the end of the words, as if drunk._

" _Robert, stop it! She is a child, it is not her fault!" Malcolm Merlyn said walking behind her father, one hand up to stop Tommy where the boy was walking behind them both, a mouthed 'wait here' for the brunette boy later and he took a hold of Robert's arm, stopping him from ascending the stairs in his furious state._

" _Not her fault!? That meeting was important! She could have made me lose millions!" He answered shouting again, her head throbbed with the loud sounds and she felt like crying again, she sat in the first step of the stairs hidden from view from both men._

" _For everything that is holy, she had a seizure Robert! Your nine year old hit her head so hard that she had a seizure! In a car crash! She could be dead and everything you can think about is your money!? She is your child!"_

" _Yes! Yes, she is! You have no say in how I raise her!"_

" _Raise her?! The last time you_ _talked_ _to her was months ago! Her birthday was two days ago and you lost it! What is happening Robert? You and Moira are hiding something, I don't care, just don't get that baby girl in the middle of it! Please!"_

 _The sound of a soft sob escaped her mouth before she could hold it, and as if it had started to rain she started talking softly, sobbing between words and getting to her feet at the top of the stairs, getting down each of them with light footing._

" _I'm sorry, Daddy! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you I swear!" She cried stumbling in a step and holding tight to her hurt side. "Please don't hate me, I swear it wasn't on purpose! I told them not to call you, please Daddy!" The little girl stopped a few steps from the bottom, and looked at her father with big blue-ish green eyes red from crying, her long curls with the wrap of white tissue in her head and a split lip._

" _Oh, Liv." Malcolm murmured frozen behind Robert, the latter looking at the girl with wide eyes, realization dawning on him, the situation clear on his face._

" _I'm sorry, sweetie. It's fine, daddy is just stressed, I..I'm sorry, you should go back to bed, you shouldn't be up. Excuse me." The man left the room without looking back, his head down and a hand in his hair. He slammed the door down the hall and the girl flinched, sobbing freely at this point, Malcolm called Tommy softly walking up the stairs and gathering the girl in his arms, kissing her closed eyes and putting her in his hip, holding his free hand to the young boy, and heading to her bedroom, gently gathering the soft PJ clad children in her big bed, murmuring a song in their ears, arms holding them both for a few minutes before sleep took over._

The urge to open her eyes did not come until much later, after the blackness receded, and her head stopped hurting so much, even if she haven't realized before how much it did hurt. The place they were in was much brighter than she expected, but her surrounding weren't either of the ones she already knew.

The bed she was in (don't get me wrong, it's the nearest thing she has seen of a bed in the last year, so it is one) was way too comfy to be the one she had slept since ending up with Slade so something must have changed. Taking in her surroundings, she noticed the first aid kit in a nearby table, two more beds, a few chairs, some bloodied rags she did not recognise, and the person draped over her legs, breathing gently as to not wake her.

Slade's hair looked a bit of a mess, even with the well-kept short strands he managed to look adorable in his sleep, not a very proper way to describe the guy, as she knew, but still fair. She lifted her too heavy hand and touched one of his hands resting in the bed beside him, moving her thumb back and forth. As expected both his eyes snapped open right away, the dark circles under his eyes looking darker than I have ever seen, he lifted his head slowly, his mouth slightly open in an almost smile, but he didn't move his hand, enveloping my own in his.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty."

"Hey there, Charming." She winked with a little side smile, his own rough laugh sounding wet before he moved to pet the little strand of hair out of her face, kissing her forehead gently, and resting his own on mine.

"You scared me so much, kid." He murmured still sounding ready to cry. "So much, I thought I was going to lose this damn puppy that has been all I have for the last year, and until I was losing it all, I didn't realize that there is no way I can imagine a world where you don't exist, and it paralysed me. Moreover, I promised myself that no matter how much of an idiot I would sound like, I would tell you everything I needed the moment I saw your eyes open." She couldn't help but laugh a little, more crying than anything.

"You sound like a dork," she wetly answered "it's a lot to take in, but gosh I am so happy you are here, I lost you, and it hurt, it hurt so much that I just wanted to be with you, to feel safe again, to be in peace, and then Ivo was pointing that gun at them and I just couldn't let them die too, and…" she broke in a fit of tears, this time clutching his hand desperately, "and I didn't have anything to lose, because it was already gone, I fucking love you so much." He was crying now, too, peppering her face with little kisses, murmuring I love you over and over, and smiling all at once.

"This is ridiculous. We are crying like babies in here." He murmured a few minutes later, after moving Olivia a little bit to the side, taking care with the bullet wound and laying with her. She looked up from her place in his shoulder and could just smile looking at his slightly sour face, resting her head against him again.

"I have a doubt" Slade only hummed in recognisance, and Olivia kept talking, "You kept the mirakuru," the man tensed wrapping his arm a little bit tighter around her shoulders "Why didn't you use it?"

He just watched the ceiling for a moment before answering her question, his whole persona closing again.

"Because I love you," he averted his eyes to meet hers "that is why. The Mirakuru is no good, Ollie, it is a poison first, a weapon and only then a medicine, and I know you had no other choice, but I can feel this thing in my mind, I would never burden you with something like this." He kissed her forehead lovingly "and besides how could Shado and I train our medical skills?" she punched his stomach lightly, biting her lip to lock the whimper of pain that assaulted her. Slade looked worriedly at her stomach, watching the white fabric they found to cover the wound getting redder.

"Did you know Sara has the same blood type as you?" he mumbled, getting of the makeshift bed as walking to the tabled she had seen before.

"I had no idea," the blond blinked "I didn't even realise you still remembered that, I mentioned that once… almost a year ago!"

"Well, that was important info! And it is not very hard to remember, I am 0 – and you a O+." he shrugged.

Ollie chose not to comment on anything about the universal donator thing. Of course, his blood was out of limit, because of the Mirakuru, because of her freaking mistake!

Slade came back with more bandages and disinfectant, which made Olivia stir nervously in the bed, catching her obvious discomfort Slade's laughter, resonated again.

"Oh my, you are worse than a kid, it is not going to hurt that much Olivia!" He bent to kiss her shoulder, more with his teeth, because of the smile, than an actual kiss.

"You are saying that now! Last time you got shot you wouldn't let me get near you with one of those in a hundred years!" she said through her teeth, watching as the soldier unwrapped her. His face turned a little green around the edges, not for the blood, of course, but for seeing Olivia in such a bad shape.

"Ivo did really plan that shot well," he snarled, "he wanted you to die of blood loss, not anything else." The iron of the bed where he was holding so he could concentrate creaked and bent in seconds, his own fingers barely white with the strain.

"Hey, you got there in time, didn't you?" she wrapped her fingers in his wrist to try and sooth the man enough for him to let go of the bed, which he did a few seconds later, lifting her hand to kiss the back of it.

"I'm sorry" he smiled sadly at her "I'm still like a loose cannon, can't control this rage thing going on." She only nodded and started to sing under her breath an old song her Uncl… Malcolm used to sing for Tommy and me, one kid in each of his legs, both hugging each other to his chest.

" _Birds flying high you know how I feel  
Sun in the sky you know how I feel  
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel_

 _It's a new dawn  
It's a new day  
It's a new life  
For me  
And I'm feeling good…"_

"And now, my little bird knows how to sing too." Slade sassed looking to her from under his eyelashes, finishing his work neatly and carefully.

"Hey! Don't tease me!" she pouted, "because my father didn't want me to learn how to protect myself, when I was 6 Malcolm volunteered to take me to a friend of his, she was an ex-Broadway star. She taught me how to sing, dance, and act. He said, and I quote: " _If she can't fight, she can push them all off their feet anyway, just let her learn, this one is a star!"_ His words, not mine.

"Well, at least it worked, you really do sing amazingly." He got up, taking back the remedies to its red box. "How didn't I know about this _tiny_ gift of yours?"

The woman just turned her face to the tent top.

"Don't get this wrong, ok?" Slade nodded "Last time I saw my family, the whole of it, we were sitting together in a dinner table, I swear, they were going to kill each other. We managed to survive the dinner, and moved to the living room… Well, one of them, and coincidently the smallest, Thea was being a prat, and dropped in a whole sofa, claiming to be too tired of playing around, Tommy sat in the other, mom and dad took the love seat, and it left only one place, I let Malcolm sit beside Tommy, offering to get a chair from the other room. He didn't let me leave, pulling me to his lap, like when I was a kid, and he asked me to sing." She blinked, before focusing in Slade's face, now that he was back beside her in the bed "He chose this music, and soon Tommy was singing too, he is just as good as Malcolm or me, we were having fun… Until my father stormed out of the room, yelling to any and every one he saw in the way to his office, he yelled for Malcolm to follow him soon after." With a deep breath she continued "And that is how I ended up with him in that fucking yatch, I invited Sara and Laurel too, because I knew that was going to be a really long trip, only Laurel couldn't come with, she had a few tests coming up soon, so it was only me and Sara, we were talking in our room soon before the boat went down, Sara disappeared under the water and dad took me out, he hadn't held me that way in a long time, he kept kissing my forehead and saying sorry while I cried…" she cut herself out when her voice wavered. "Doesn't really matter now. But that's why I wouldn't sing before." Slade hummed under his breath, finishing his work with a flourish, making her giggle, before making his way into the bed again.

"And what has changed since?" He asked, a smile in his lips, still looking straight at her eyes.

"Well," she smiled mischievously. "you."


End file.
